Levels of Friendship
Some recent experiences have caused me to dive deep into reflection mode regarding a topic that I have pondered far too often over the past five years.
Friendship.
When I was young, my life consisted of going to school, going to gymnastics practice, and then playing with my friends as much as I had the chance. It is easy to say that when I was at school or practice, I had friends there but what exactly made someone a friend.
In my naive and jaded years of idealistic young-adulthood I once came up with a method of measurement to determine if someone was my friend, or better yet, a best friend. It all circulated around the idea of trust on three criteria.
1. My Wife
2. My Life
3. My Possessions
The use of the term "wife" is obviously quite loose in my situation but it essentially was meant as a representation of the trust I would have with another around my significant other in not trying to steal that special someone away from me. My life is rather obvious, if a gun were to my head, would the potential friend do what they could to save me or would they save their own skin and run. As far as possessions, it would come down to if I would trust another around my most prized possessions not to steal or desecrate them in any way.
With the terms clearly defined, a friend would have been one who met at least one of the three criteria with valid and detailed explanation as to why they meet it. A best friend would have been someone who met all three of the criteria without a second thought.
Simple, right? My logical brain had finally set the parameters for what a friend was so now I knew whether to call someone a friend or an acquaintance.
I blame Facebook first and foremost.
The concept of a friend has been turned on its head to where there cannot be a set definition of what a friend is definitively. I mean, one click of a mouse and I could be "friends" with a random person from Pakistan whose name I can't even pronounce. Does a mouse click determine a friendship because it is at that point deemed "Facebook official"? I would say no, but it adds certain levels and nuances to friendships that have previously been unknown or at the very least unexplored.
Take this for instance:
On Instagram, I follow a large number of people that I don't know because I like their photos. Some of them are bloggers that I aspire to be like. Others are random individuals whose pictures have interested me in one way or another. One particular individual is named Matt. I don't know his last name. I know what he does for work and I know about where he goes to school and what he is going to school for. In fact, I have had some pretty decent conversations with Matt about the most random things. To be honest, I have had better conversations with Matt than I have with at least 80% of my Facebook friends. So where does that land him on the scale of friendship?
Ready for another interesting one:
I was once a faithful player of the SongPop app. About ten months ago, one of the random dudes that I was playing against from Illinois sent me a message regarding one of the songs that came up in the course of the game. Now, ten months later, I have had some very deep conversations about life, as well as some of the most ridiculous conversations about the Real Housewives of New York with Brad from Chicago who I have never met and may never meet. But the conversations have been mutually beneficial and definitely landed him high up on the friendship scale.
Nuances, right?
I still think about what defines a friend and I think there is some level of conversation and communication needed. In many cases (but not all) I feel like being in the same place at the same time physically with the same goal in mind would be evidence of friendship....simple terms, going to lunch or a sporting event or a movie.
Social media, with its existence based in connecting with friends, has successfully blurred the lines of friendship so that there really is no such thing as a friend. The term has become flippant and meaningless. It is now a word that we fling around to describe this one person we knew 15 years ago but don't talk to any more or a person who is actually very important to you but you have no idea what their voice even sounds like.
I don't want to bag on friendships because some of the "friends" I don't talk to as well as the "friends" I've never met are people who shape my life for the better continually. I just think that there is a need to personally evaluate the "friendships" that we have and fight to create, keep, enhance, or polish them.
In many cases, I know of individuals who hold their friends to the esteem of family. "He was like a brother to me." "My second mom." Friends are vital to happiness. Think about who your friends are and who you want to be friends with. Ponder on the levels and nuances of friendship. Find where people fit in your life.
And last but not least, let your friends know where they fit...especially if they are important to you.
Fight to never lose a friend.
Friendship.
When I was young, my life consisted of going to school, going to gymnastics practice, and then playing with my friends as much as I had the chance. It is easy to say that when I was at school or practice, I had friends there but what exactly made someone a friend.
In my naive and jaded years of idealistic young-adulthood I once came up with a method of measurement to determine if someone was my friend, or better yet, a best friend. It all circulated around the idea of trust on three criteria.
1. My Wife
2. My Life
3. My Possessions
The use of the term "wife" is obviously quite loose in my situation but it essentially was meant as a representation of the trust I would have with another around my significant other in not trying to steal that special someone away from me. My life is rather obvious, if a gun were to my head, would the potential friend do what they could to save me or would they save their own skin and run. As far as possessions, it would come down to if I would trust another around my most prized possessions not to steal or desecrate them in any way.
With the terms clearly defined, a friend would have been one who met at least one of the three criteria with valid and detailed explanation as to why they meet it. A best friend would have been someone who met all three of the criteria without a second thought.
Simple, right? My logical brain had finally set the parameters for what a friend was so now I knew whether to call someone a friend or an acquaintance.
I blame Facebook first and foremost.
The concept of a friend has been turned on its head to where there cannot be a set definition of what a friend is definitively. I mean, one click of a mouse and I could be "friends" with a random person from Pakistan whose name I can't even pronounce. Does a mouse click determine a friendship because it is at that point deemed "Facebook official"? I would say no, but it adds certain levels and nuances to friendships that have previously been unknown or at the very least unexplored.
Take this for instance:
On Instagram, I follow a large number of people that I don't know because I like their photos. Some of them are bloggers that I aspire to be like. Others are random individuals whose pictures have interested me in one way or another. One particular individual is named Matt. I don't know his last name. I know what he does for work and I know about where he goes to school and what he is going to school for. In fact, I have had some pretty decent conversations with Matt about the most random things. To be honest, I have had better conversations with Matt than I have with at least 80% of my Facebook friends. So where does that land him on the scale of friendship?
Ready for another interesting one:
I was once a faithful player of the SongPop app. About ten months ago, one of the random dudes that I was playing against from Illinois sent me a message regarding one of the songs that came up in the course of the game. Now, ten months later, I have had some very deep conversations about life, as well as some of the most ridiculous conversations about the Real Housewives of New York with Brad from Chicago who I have never met and may never meet. But the conversations have been mutually beneficial and definitely landed him high up on the friendship scale.
Nuances, right?
I still think about what defines a friend and I think there is some level of conversation and communication needed. In many cases (but not all) I feel like being in the same place at the same time physically with the same goal in mind would be evidence of friendship....simple terms, going to lunch or a sporting event or a movie.
Social media, with its existence based in connecting with friends, has successfully blurred the lines of friendship so that there really is no such thing as a friend. The term has become flippant and meaningless. It is now a word that we fling around to describe this one person we knew 15 years ago but don't talk to any more or a person who is actually very important to you but you have no idea what their voice even sounds like.
I don't want to bag on friendships because some of the "friends" I don't talk to as well as the "friends" I've never met are people who shape my life for the better continually. I just think that there is a need to personally evaluate the "friendships" that we have and fight to create, keep, enhance, or polish them.
In many cases, I know of individuals who hold their friends to the esteem of family. "He was like a brother to me." "My second mom." Friends are vital to happiness. Think about who your friends are and who you want to be friends with. Ponder on the levels and nuances of friendship. Find where people fit in your life.
And last but not least, let your friends know where they fit...especially if they are important to you.
Fight to never lose a friend.
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