33 Beginnings

Why is it that the beginning of something is the most exciting part of something? Humans crave newness. The opening day of a new sports season. The first day of school. New Years. For a society that fears the unknown so much, there is a lot of weight placed on beginnings.

Starting something new is symbolic of leaving something old behind. It could be a bad habit or an old relationship or even just a former version of self. This seems to be the most prevalent reason behind the excitement for newness. We want to leave our old selves behind. 

Every day, month, or year could have a justification attached to it on why that day is so special and labeled as a day to start something new. Often the beginnings happen with no forethought or attention given at all. These non-meditated, organic beginnings are possibly the most beneficial. They carry far less stress than dissected inceptions.

I once read a book called "They Both Die at the End" by Adam Silvera. Talk about a spoiler alert. Was my perception of the book changed somehow because I knew how it was going to end? Yes. I cognitively limited my hope for the main characters. If that title were somehow changed to "I Promise You They Survive", then I wouldn't have any need of hope.

Hope does not create a dopamine release. There is no physiological evidence that hope alters mood or feelings at all and yet, having hope (a product of doubt) polarizes reactions. It creates a sense of emotional risk. I'm sorry but that doesn't sound like me. I believe myself to be risk averse. 

The reason to hope is anchored in anxiety. We do not fully trust that things will end up alright so we have to manifest positivity through hope. Trust. I know a lot of people with trust issues. Most of those people don't or can't even trust themselves.

There is a beauty behind the phrase "work hard and come what may." It positively eliminates hope. and yes, that is a thing. 

I hope I get that job I want. I hope I get a lot of money. I hope I find love. 

Or....

I'll work hard to be the best I can at work and at home and then accept that whatever happens will help me move forward. 

I understand that this perspective comes from a position of privilege. I have never been homeless or significantly oppressed. I have always been in the position that things worked out somehow. It is easy for me to say not to worry. Everyone's situation is different. Mine is better than some and not as good as others. 33 beginnings have taught me that bad things will happen. Good things will happen. No amount of anxiety or hope can change that. So I put in the work. I do my best. And I accept that whatever happens will help me move forward. 

Then I move forward.

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